Why I fired my secretary ---------- Two weeks ago, was my forty-fifth birthday, and I wasn't feeling too hot that morning anyway. I went into breakfast, knowing my wife would be pleasant and say "Happy Birthday," and probably have a present for me. She didn't even say "Good Morning," let alone any "Happy Birthday." I thought, "Well, that's wives for you. The children will remember." The children came in to breakfast and didn't say a word. When I started to the office I was feeling pretty low and despondent. As I walked into my office, my secretary, Janet said, "Good Morning, Boss, Happy Birthday." And I felt a little better; someone had remembered. I worked until noon. About noon, Janet knocked on my door and said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day out side and it's your birthday, let's go to lunch, just you and me." I said, "By George, that's the greatest thing I've heard All day. Let's go." We went to lunch. We didn't go where we normally go; we went out into the country to a little private place. We had two martinis and enjoyed lunch tremendously. On the way back to the office, she said, "You know, it's Such a beautiful day. We don't need to go back to the office, do we?" I said, "No, I guess not." She said, "Let's go to my apartment." After arriving at her apartment, we had another martini and smoked a cigarette and she said, "Boss, if you don't mind, I think I'll go into the bedroom and slip into something more comfortable." "Sure," I excitedly replied. She went into the bedroom and, in about six minutes, she came out...carrying a big birthday cake, followed by my wife, children, and dozens of our friends. All were singing Happy Birthday. ... and there on the couch I sat... ... with nothing on but my socks......